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Friday, May 5, 2000
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Issue #158 :: Friday, May 5, 2000

Top Headlines

Study Illuminates Organ Layout
Genetic engineers are currently searching for ways to clone whole organs from single undifferentiated cells - if completed, this feat could save the lives of thousands of people with injured body parts.

Truth
The other night my friend and I took part in contemporary society by arguing over whether or not the sport utility vehicle should exist. I took the side of the environmental indignant while he lauded market response to demand. My points were that SUVs are gas-guzzling, high-on-the-road, faux-utilitarian, substitute station wagons for emasculated men. His points were that SUVs are powerful, safe, high-on-the-road, practical vehicles for the whole family.

Championship (Double) Vision
What do a group of 30 big, burly rugby players who are getting ready to bash heads and break bones for the next two days do in order to get ready to play for their 10th consecutive national championship?

Maximum Glory
First off, I'd like to thank the good folks at Cal Performances for presenting this film in Wheeler Auditorium and letting me in to see it. Not having to trek off to the city for a screening was nice. Secondly, a message for whoever pulled the fire alarm causing us all to wait an hour for the fire marshal to let us back in - I'm going to cut you open from the groin up and force feed you your own heart. Now, on to the review.

News

Study Illuminates Organ Layout
Genetic engineers are currently searching for ways to clone whole organs from single undifferentiated cells - if completed, this feat could save the lives of thousands of people with injured body parts.

Million-dollar Teacher Awarded With Big Bucks
Anthropology professor Alan Dundes' class is apparently worth $1 million.

Finance Plan Revives Funding to Former Highs
The ASUC Senate talked into the wee hours of yesterday morning to pass its annual budget, which restored services to past levels of funding and responded to the fiscal irresponsibility of previous administrations.

City Celebrates ‘Outstanding' Women for Their Public Work
Seven Berkeley women gathered with nearly 70 guests Wednesday night to receive honors for their outstanding achievements in humanitarian endeavors.

News in Brief: ‘Loving' Virus Attacks UCs
Computer networks around the world were infiltrated yesterday by a virus transmitted through e-mails reading, "I LOVE YOU."


Sports

Championship (Double) Vision
What do a group of 30 big, burly rugby players who are getting ready to bash heads and break bones for the next two days do in order to get ready to play for their 10th consecutive national championship?

Water Polo: Bears likely to face familiar foes in Indiana showdown
Four months ago, the women's water polo teams from across the country lined up at the starting line.

Bears Need Sweep at UCLA
Going into the bottom of the ninth inning at Sunken Diamond Sunday against No. 4 Stanford, Cal had momentum.

Jensen Plays Nice, Dominates Tennis
When trying to sum up the best player on one of the best teams at Cal, only one fact will suffice.

Edwards Hosts 106th Big Meet
Tomorrow is not about sports. It is not about what colors you wear, how well you did last month, or how long you've been competing.

Sports Briefs: Women's Tennis Seeded Fifth in NCAA Tourney
The Cal women's tennis team was announced as the No. 5 seed in the NCAA tournament yesterday. The Bears (17-6, 6-2 in the Pac-10) finished the season second in the Pac-10 and are set to face Pacific in the first regional round of the tournament.


Arts & Entertainment

Maximum Glory
First off, I'd like to thank the good folks at Cal Performances for presenting this film in Wheeler Auditorium and letting me in to see it. Not having to trek off to the city for a screening was nice. Secondly, a message for whoever pulled the fire alarm causing us all to wait an hour for the fire marshal to let us back in - I'm going to cut you open from the groin up and force feed you your own heart. Now, on to the review.

In The Name of Love
These days, holy matrimony is void of credibility thanks to drive-thru annulments and weddings with Bally's poker chips included. Luckily for believers in monogamy there's Committed, where the upstanding romantic Joline (played by Heather Graham) would do anything for the preservation of true love. But Carl (Luke Wilson), her new beau, exchanges vows with his fingers crossed the whole time. He lickety-splits, leaving his bride emotionally shellshocked but not undaunted in her commitment.

Bad Myth
March Madness may be the term reserved for the college basketball championships, but May Madness definitely applies to the insane number of crappy, uninspired miniseries that TV networks insist on making for ratings sweeps. They are still showing those things on national television rather than stuffing them away in some closet where huge embarrassments belong. Of course, making them is a mistake in its own right, but now I must say that the networks have really gone too far.

White Space