Sex On Tuesday: No Penis Required

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"A-ha," the oh-so-clever college student thinks, "I don't have to read this article. I happen to know of a magical little thing called the clitoris-end of story. Heck, female orgasms really can't be that complicated anyway if they show them in a shampoo commercial."

Hold on just a minute, Turbo. Contrary to popular belief, it takes more than the push of a button or a bottle of Herbal Essence to get a female to climax. If only that was the case-what a wonderful, beautiful world we'd live in! But sadly, no. Female orgasm is a tad more complicated, and requires quite a bit more panache than "lather, rinse, repeat."

So if female orgasms did come in a box, what would the instruction manual say? Probably something like, "some assembly, but no penis required." That's right, you heard me. Nearly one-third of women can't achieve the "Big O" during intercourse. So what's a girl to do?

Part of the reason that female orgasms seem so elusive is that there is no sure-fire method to get a girl going. Every woman's body is different in terms of what it will respond to and what it won't.

Masturbation is one of the best ways to find out what techniques are right for your body, assuming those are waters that you're willing to tread. Remember that orgasm is as much mental as it is physical, so you have to be comfortable approaching it with any technique.

One of the main reasons why women don't reach orgasm is because they don't allow themselves to become adequately aroused, or because their partners don't spend the time to do it.

Again, to the know-it-all who has yet to stop thinking "clitoris," as if repeating it three times and knocking your ruby slippers together would send you to the Wizard of "O," stay away from that love button until you've done some preparation.

Start off by having you or your partner caress a sensitive, non-sexual part of your body, such as the inside of your arms. To prepare yourself mentally, find your own style of what turns you on. For some people, this is simply a matter of focusing on the physical sensation of what's going on. For others, some fantasizing may be involved.

As you get more relaxed, you can move on to more standard erogenous zones, such as the nipples or inner thighs. When you feel ready for it, you may choose to explore the outer vaginal area, including ... here it is ... the clitoris.

While this is no magical button, it is a highly sensitive organ designed for the sole purpose of sexual pleasure (the only one of its kind). Take advantage of this miracle of Mother Nature by tracing circles around it, rubbing it, varying speed and pressure-it's really up to you.

Lubrication is always a plus in these cases. The female body produces some naturally, but a drop of saliva, Astroglide or K-Y liquid will also work. As you feel the pressure build, you may need more pressure against the clitoris to climax, but it varies from woman to woman.

Now even with all this information in mind, it takes time and practice to get that perfect combination of mental and physical intimacy to eventually lead to orgasm. Every woman has the potential to orgasm, but realistically, it may not happen every time you engage in sexual activities.

But not to be discouraged-one of the most common misunderstandings about sex is that for it to be good, orgasm needs to be involved. Some women never orgasm, and yet lead enjoyable sexual lives. Why? Because sex is more than just some pulsating blood vessels and the exchange of bodily fluids.

Sex can be emotionally and physically fun without orgasms, and the ability to induce one doesn't necessarily define a good lover.

So in short, have fun learning the ABC's of S-E-X; just keep in mind that this is one case where you CAN spell "good" without the "O."

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