Market for B's

Want a B stamped onto your forehead? Ask Salar for one at [email protected].

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While I was chilling at the I-House Café last week, I heard somebody behind me say, "You know what the problem with you is, Salar? You got no game."

Usually I would be offended. But it happened to be my boy Ronnie, and he happened to be right. All I ever do is wish that the girl of my dreams would drop into my lap and whisper in my ear the things she could do with chess pieces. Unfortunately life is not so simple.

In today's world, if a guy wants to get a girl, he has to learn to play something called "the game."

He has to be a man of the night, making small talk at local bars, night clubs, and parties. During the day, he should be busy hanging out in coffee shops, book stores, and YWCA dance classes (hey, those girls can move). And when he finally spots a potential partner, he has to be smooth, funny and original.

But Ronnie, a pimp on the Cal campus, claims that even if I follow all these rules, still I may not find my "optimal bundle."

It is quite common, he says, to strike up a conversation with a beautiful young woman and after thirty minutes of giving her your good stuff, she drops the B-bomb: "Sorry, but I have a boyfriend."

You may try, "That's okay girl, you're so cute that you deserve two." But that never gets the desired results, trust me.

So Ronnie's idea (he has sworn me to secrecy about this) is that the market for dating could be made much more efficient if we introduced B's (patent pending). If a girl happens to be in a committed relationship, then she should have the letter B stamped onto her forehead.

I admit I had my doubts at first, but this innovation tends to make things easier for everyone. It will stop girls from whining about the number of guys they had to "deal with" hitting on them, and it will allow single males to make more informed decisions.

Those men who are discouraged by the mark can direct their efforts elsewhere while those who do not care about the mark can simply ignore it.

"Wouldn't it be even more efficient if we could give everybody a B (or maybe a G)?" I asked excitedly.

Ronnie quickly reminded me about the costs of such an operation: "It is much too expensive to stamp the whole population. See, the information given by the stamp is most valuable to guys. After all, how many men do you hear complaining about getting hit on by too many women? Almost the same outcome can be attained with a sampling of just half the populace."

Ronnie added, "Besides, girls have smaller foreheads, and they are much more likely to accessorize."

I began to see the depth of his argument. Because a girl's forehead is smaller, the B's could be made proportionally small and hence less expensive. And because of the way many women like to beautify, the B can be marketed on a grand scale.

When I asked one girl about this idea, she wondered whether she could wear a "pink, glittery one."

There are more benefits associated with the B. It could settle many of the uncertainties associated with dating.

Anybody in a relationship knows there is always a fuzzy area as to where the relationship is going. I have heard many a woman yell (in public places, mind you), "Is this relationship moving anywhere, or are we just both wasting our time?"'

The B can serve as an indicator as to where the relationship is headed. If a girl asks her boyfriend, "Sweetie, can I please get a B stamped on my forehead?" it is a sign that she is ready to become more serious.

Because of this, the information gap is diminished, and everyone is again better off. This lets women know early in the relationship whether their guy is of a non commitment mentality while allowing guys to sleep happy knowing their girl is wearing a B for them.

The dating world is an ugly one, and I wish suggestions like the ones Ronnie has offered can one day better all our lives.


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