Whine Cellar: Probation Doesn't Cost Cal Much

Trying to unload tickets to Pasadena? Whine about it to Dan at [email protected].

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Hello, and welcome to a midsummer classic edition of the Whine Cellar. Lots to talk about, so let's get right to it.

The First Word: I'm not sure what to think of this whole Cal football probation thing. First off, it's a damn shame that the Bears' national championship aspirations take such a quick hit with that bowl probation. (Somehow, "Cal can't make it to a bowl" sounds like "I can't make it with Ashley Judd"-a nice thought, but not a particularly painful decree.)

I do like the way Steve Gladstone is handling this. He blamed it on the last guy and plans to appeal. As a lawyer-to-be, I admire this kind of approach. It seems everyone would be better off if Cal accepted the bowl probation and moved on with the Tedford era. I doubt Chris Berman was going to be christening our quarterback Kyle "Rose" Boller next season anyway.

I'm Not One to Say I Told You So: But these are the facts. First, my beloved Knicks, whose center is 6-foot-8 Kurt Thomas, passed up our dear Jamal to take a Yugoslavian point guard, even Hubie Brown had never heard of.

Eleven picks later, Jamal gets taken and traded twice, the second time for Rashard Griffith. Griffith, you might remember if you're 30 or so, left Wisconsin in 1995 and has never played in the NBA. Griffith was Michael Finley's college teammate.

Boil it down for me: Mr. Sampson was traded straight up for the rights to someone who last played in America when Jamal was 12.

I told you so, Part II: I know it's ancient news, but I never did get to congratulate the Cal softball team. Let me tell you there's nothing like watching your school in the Women's College World Series from a Hooters at the Orlando Airport, nursing a Labatt Blue, chomping on wings. Nothing like it in the world.

Curtis Cup News: Cal's Vikki Laing was selected for the team, and a hearty Whine Cellar applause go out to her. For those of you who don't know, the Curtis Cup is just like the Ryder Cup, except it is played by female amateurs who are happy to be there.

The more things change: Lefty finished second in another major. The team with the biggest payroll won the Stanley Cup. The team with Shaq and Kobe won the NBA title. Joe Torre picked another 22 Yankees for the All-Star team.

Okay, just one point about Torre: Eric Chavez has better stats in every single category, offensive and defensive, than Robin Ventura. Oh, and he also managed to be left off the American League All Star Team. But not any member of the Yankees' starting infield.

F*** you, Rick, and I have no f***ing idea what the f*** 'roid rage is anyway: Sure you don't, Sammy.

If you don't know her, you will soon enough: Daniela Hantuchova.

If you don't know Daniela Hantuchova, you certainly won't know these guys: The last five male competitors at Wimbledon: Sa, Malisse, Krajicek, Nalbandian, and Lapentti.

And if you missed Wimbledon: Go see "Minority Report." That Tom Cruise is so dreamy.


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