Here She Comes

Okay, so you can come. But can you do it more than once? Tell Rachael how you did it at [email protected].

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Almost everyone enjoys coming. Getting off. Having an orgasm. A perfectly respectable ending to several perfectly respectable pastimes. Almost universally appreciated.

Look at everything we talk about-it's all supposed to culminate in that earth-shattering orgasm you know is just what the doctor ordered.

"I don't have anything particularly brilliant to say about orgasms. I'm a guy. I do like watching girls have them ... my favorite thing is helping a girl get there by the oral train. My favorite thing ... about female orgasms (is) when she grabs the back of my head to make sure I don't go anywhere," a guy wrote in an e-mail.

People tend to freak out about orgasms. A lot of women have never had one, and can't for one reason or another. They are intimidated, not comfortable or perhaps so pressured to have one that it never happens. Maybe they are tired, have never been able to give themselves one or haven't been stimulated in the right way ... I could really go on forever about all the reasons women have trouble climaxing.

So, since guys have an exponentially easier time with orgasms, we'll leave that subject alone for them to massage by themselves. Let's talk climax by She.

Girls: One of the best ways to climax is to know your body, and one of the best ways to know your body is to explore. So, learn to give yourself an orgasm. When you can do that, you'll know how to guide the new kid on the block when they try their hand at touring your alleys.

Figure out how you want their hands to work, and guide them. Relax. If they are using their tongue, use your fingers. You should be relaxed, concentrating on nothing but you and the sensations. Forget what they want for three seconds.

One of the worst things the giver can do is make a girl feel like the only reason they are doing what they're doing is because they want to be the one to get her off. That, my friend, is pressure. Bad.

"What guys don't realize is that sometimes a girl will have sex with him just to avoid the foreplay that she knows won't get her off," I was told.

Sad, but too often true. Guys, I suggest you be aware of the possibility that a girl is having sex with you because she can't stand getting head from you. Scary thought, huh?

So, let's all get over ourselves. You can't make every girl on the face of the earth come in buckets every damn time you do anything. No one is that great. So don't act surprised or confused if she doesn't come. It happens. Just aim to please her, and a mind-blowing climax, maybe with an ejaculation, just might surprise you both. Or it might not.

Marathon sex does not bring on orgasms. If you're a guy, don't think that lasting forever makes you a superhero. Just 'cause you huff and puff doesn't mean you blow well.

There are times when we girls won't come. That doesn't mean we didn't like it. Not that we did-there's no insurance from sucking at things. (It's not necessarily a 2+2=4 kind of thing where no orgasm is the equivalent of pointless sex play.) We females, believe it or not, usually enjoy sex and all its related activities-even when we don't come.

Women have two kinds of orgasms: clitoral and vaginal. The vaginal ones are the ones we aren't sure about ... they can be vague, drawn out and questionable. Some women say they come in waves. And usually they come from deep fingering or plain sexual intercourse.

The clitoral ones are the ones where ... well ... you just know. These are intense. They are often described as spasmatic, where the vagina distinctly contracts, and consciousness temporarily visits other planes. More often than not, ladies, these are achieved by activities other than deep penetration. It's all about your detailed clitoral stimulation, hence the name "clitoral orgasm."

If you do us, we will come. Just give us time, let us relax and expect nothing but a smile.


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