Oh, Baby!

Emily Chung is "O" so looking forward to your responses. E-mail her at [email protected]





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Q: Both my partner and I enjoy our sexual intimacy. As we care about each other very much, we both want to give each other the greatest experience possible. However, every time we have sex, I always get to

climax long before my partner has an orgasm. I guess people call this pre-ejaculation. How can I hold myself up longer so that we can both orgasm at about the same time? I feel really bad to leave her alone every time. - W.C.

A: To answer this common concern, W.C., let me start off by giving you a little lesson on sexual arousal and orgasms in general. Bear with me as I go through the science, but trust me, you'll reap the benefits in the end.

Science has managed to define the sexual response cycle we humans go through, though I'm not sure how accurate it really is. The most famous model is the Masters and Johnson model, which describes our sexual excitation as four stages - excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution.

Excitement is the whole foreplay and initial arousal stage in which a woman gets all "hot and bothered." Her vaginal area fills with blood and she typically begins to lubricate and the vagina lengthens while the uterus lifts inside her. A man salutes the captain, gets a woody or has an erection. The scrotum contracts while the testicles rise. In both men and women, there is a general feeling of warmth and possible hardness of the nipples.

The plateau stage just keeps the fun going! The front-most portions of the vaginal canal become super sensitive, but the clitoris goes into hiding by retracting under the hood. For men, this is when pre-cum is often secreted. In pre-cum, there is potentially enough semen to pass on sexually transmitted diseases and cause pregnancy, so I recommend a condom before that penis gets close to any orifice.

And the most exciting stage of all, orgasm! Technically, an orgasm is the release of all that sexual tension consisting of involuntary muscle contractions that can be pleasurable.

Lastly, the resolution phase allows your body to return everything back to normal. It takes about half an hour for this to occur, and even longer if you didn't get that orgasm to let out all that tension. (This is where those blue balls come in to play.)

But let's talk now about the whole idea of this "Big O" that we all dream and fantasize about having every single day. Most women our age have never had an orgasm, while practically all men have. Generally, people define an orgasm as an intense and amazing pleasure that just rocks your world. But practices such as Tantra and Kama Sutra see orgasms as whole body and mind experiences that do not necessarily even involve genital stimulation. There is also a physiological difference between ejaculation and orgasm - you can learn to have orgasms without ejaculation, as many eastern beliefs teach in order to preserve the "vital energy" of semen.

Ladies, how many of you out there fake it? I'm sure many of you have or still do, because we all feel that we have to orgasm to fully enjoy sex and to show our partners that we are enjoying it as much as they are. Men, like W.C., then worry about coming too quickly, if they are that considerate. But really, those expectations about achieving orgasm should not be a concern, because every person experiences pleasure differently. And if you do happen to come before your partner, so what? That doesn't have to stop you from showing your appreciation a little bit later, with full attention.

Orgasms can differ with each partner or act, depending on whether it is a sex act, masturbation or mechanically induced. Masturbation orgasms have been touted to be most intense. For women who have never had an orgasm, masturbating often gives those results partners may have lacked in supplying. Masturbating to orgasm also helps you determine what you like so you can show your partner some pointers.

Even if you are a thunder cock, you can be at fault for being a two-pump chump. So here are some tips for you men that will help you prolong the action until you and your partner can share the ecstasy.

  • Choking the chicken a couple hours before that hot date may keep you from coming too fast later. Remember the infamous gel scene in "There's Something About Mary?" Well, even beyond the embarrassment of being caught white handed, getting off manually before a hot date may prevent you from getting a good erection later.
  • Right when you feel like you are about to cum, grab the base of your penis (your partner could help here too) and gently hold it. That may prevent ejaculation, but still provide intense sensations.
  • Place a finger or two against the perineum (that fleshy place between the scrotum and anus) and apply some pressure. That also helps to defer that semen flow. Some men find this excruciatingly erotic.
  • Meditate with your partner. According to the Eastern methods of Tantric sex, women are goddesses and should be revered. By meditating and mentally concentrating on pleasing your partner, you are likely to hold back on ejaculation.
  • Try different things. The whole thrusting in and out alone was so last year! Attempt changing up the positions and starting and stopping at various times to give the penis a break.
  • Use a cock ring. Cock rings are rubber, latex, leather or metal rings, which surround the base of the penis and are thought to help prolong erections by preventing blood from leaving the penis. Use with caution though, as the metal and rubber ones don't come off too easily if the erection doesn't subside.
  • Have the male (giving sex) on the bottom. This allows more control of the pubococcygeus muscle. This muscle is the same one that you use to stop and start peeing. Learning to contract and release it can strengthen erections, help with experiencing multiple orgasms and control ejaculation.
  • Regardless of what you are doing to enhance that orgasmic experience, caring about your partner's pleasure is a wonderful thing. Discuss what is good for you as a couple and you are bound to find something phenomenal for both of you. And if you don't get to an orgasm right away, don't worry, it can come with time and practice - a good excuse to have some more fun.

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