Whistle While You Work

Emily Chung likes snacking on pBJ sandwiches in bed. She wants to know what you eat in bed; e-mail her at [email protected]

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Gentlemen, you are about to get lucky, very lucky, because this week's tantalizing topic is blowjobs (A.K.A. fellatio)!

Every man is very different in how he enjoys fellatio, so what works for one person may not work for another. The best thing to do is try many techniques! As a disclaimer: I don't have a penis, so I don't know what it feels like to get a blowjob, so I can't promise that what I suggest will be the best for any particular male. Instead, I am relying on the low down my male friends entrusted me with. The tips that follow are a collection of personal anecdotes, experiences and lots of practice and research.

First things first - you gotta know your cocks. Know them, as in look at your partner's penis and understand the anatomy and usefulness of each part. Take the typical penis. The head of the penis, or the glans (the word in Latin means acorn, a fitting description for the head), constitutes the most erogenous zone on a man's body since it has many sensitive nerve endings. The long section of the cock is called the shaft, which actually does not have very many nerve endings and does not react too much to oral stimulation alone. Back up towards the head is the corona, the outside perimeter of the penis that attaches the head to the shaft. Remember this ridged area, as it will be the region most focused on during fellatio for it is extremely sensitive on and under it. There is a juncture on the head where the foreskin is (or was) attached, depending on whether your guy is circumcised or not, which has been touted to be the most sensitive part of a man's body.

Now that you have had your anatomy lesson for today, on to the tips of the trade. There's one thing that almost every guy will agree to: no teeth! Teeth can be painful if used aggressively or over-zealously. So practice rolling your lips over your teeth during oral sex to protect that precious penis. The next basic no-no is bobbing up and down on the penis. This puts too much concentration on the shaft, while, as I mentioned previously, stimulation of the glans alone can bring a man to climax.

Positioning is crucial to performing good BJs. Common positions include having the receiving partner lie at the edge of a bed, sit on a chair or stand up while the performing partner kneels in front of him. This puts the performer in great position to reach all parts of the genitalia as well as angling the penis for deeper penetration. The "69" position can also be great fun as both partners can please one another simultaneously. But it can also be distracting, as one partner may become preoccupied with their own pleasure.

When beginning a good blowjob with proper latex protection, the performer can roll the condom onto the penis with their mouth. This can be done by carefully placing a (preferably) flavored, not heavily lubricated latex condom into your mouth, in between the teeth and lips. You'll still need to pinch the tip by placing it between the tongue and the upper part of the mouth, just watch out for teeth tearing the condom. Gently roll the condom down the shaft of the penis and smooth it down with your tongue. This starts the whole process off erotically and safely.

Probably the most popular strategy for fellatio is the vacuum method of just sucking on the cock. But that can get boring after a while. A variety of things can enhance the experience for your partner.

  • Corona Concentration - Pay lots of attention to this sensitive region by twirling your lips around the ridge, licking on, under or around it or just by sucking on it. No bobbing is necessary!
  • The Circle - Put your lips around the shaft and move your head in a circular motion. This motion gets the penis in all areas of the mouth and can lead to hours of pleasure.
  • Lollipop Lick - Start from underneath the testicles and lick upward all the way up the shaft to the head. Doing this consecutively can get a man to cum very quickly. Also, including the balls in oral play can be quite enjoyable and adds some spice to the fun.
  • Figure Eight - Place your lips around the shaft, as far down as you feel comfortable. Then, begin tracing an imaginary figure of a sideways eight with your nose. Continue this motion while moving up and down the penis.
  • Altoids - Take a simple ol' breath mint, such as an Altoid, and place it into the performer's mouth to be used in fellatio. It should provide a tingly sensation. I hear that cinnamon mints work the best.
  • Ice Cubing - Put an ice cube into the performer's mouth before beginning fellatio and use it as a tool to stimulate contrasting hot and cold sensations on the penis.
  • Deep-throating - This method is not for everyone. To deep-throat effectively, one needs to learn how to control the gag reflex, which means lots of practice.
  • Don't forget to communicate. Constructive criticism can be useful for both of you. You'll find out what he likes best and you can let him know what worked well for you. Overall, just have fun! Practice and experimentation will make the experience enjoyable and gratifying for you both. Enjoy!

    Now, let me clear up some confusion from last week's column on the Morning-After-Pill and how it works. In 90 percent of cases of usage, MAP actually prevents ovulation, not just implantation of a fertilized egg. I just wanted to make that clear for anyone that got a little confused about that. Now I'll let you get back to the party in every man's pants.


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