Sex on Tuesday: Instant Messenger of Love

Sorry, no screen name, but you can e-mail Teresa at [email protected].

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Hello. My name is Teresa and I'm an AOL Instant Messenger addict."

Chorus: "Hi Teresa."

Yes, I'll be the first to admit that I am an Instant Messenger junkie. But hey, it's cheaper to keep in touch, you can leave it on all day and you can have conversations without anyone overhearing. I could go on about the reasons why I personally have become addicted, but this is not the science and technology page.

For anyone with a long distance relationship and a roommate, however, it doesn't take a genius to put two and two together and see its full potential. Yes, I'm talking about cybersex, and with the upcoming finals season, you'll probably be spending a lot of time at your computer anyway. So take a break, let your fingers do the talking and type away. Remember, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

For some reason, it has been my impression that a lot of people don't consider cybersex to be all that erotic. Strangely enough, though, those same people didn't seem to have the same misgivings about phone sex. The idea is basically the same: "you can imagine but you can't see" fantasy play, which is more than enough to get the attention of most people.

Now, if the heavy breathing is really worth $3 a minute to you, then by all means, phone in your fantasies. Cybersex, on the other hand, has the advantage of not only being economical, but also you'll never have to worry about waiting for privacy. It's much easier to sit at your desk typing naughtily away in the presence of an innocent roommate than to attempt to whisper "my nipples are sooo hard" without attracting attention.

OK, now that you get the idea of how convenient it is, then how do you go about doing it? It can be tricky to bring it up the first time, but it's really not that awkward. Like anything sexual, you have to start out slow and ease into the good stuff. Start by saying how much you miss your partner or by recalling a recent experience you shared, like "I was just thinking about the last time we went to the beach, and how sexy you looked." Yeah, it sounds corny, but if you can make the effort to actually recall the favors and flavors of your partner's nooks and crannies, it can be plenty stimulating.

Once you have the appropriate mood established, it's time to stretch that imagination. Reading off a screen may seem too impersonal to be sexy, but this is balanced out by the fact that you won't have as many inhibitions about what you type.

Because your partner can't see you blush or giggle, you can say things you would ordinarily be too embarrassed to bring up. Let yourself go online and get really into the moment. Talk about what you would want to do to your partner if he or she were there with you. Ask what your partner's deepest fantasies are with you, and have him or her discuss it in detail.

The key to your description is to not make it technical. Hearing about how many inches you're at isn't going to be nearly as sexy as describing how it makes you feel. Good vocabulary examples include "throbbing," "hard," "wet," etc.

Cybersex can get pretty engaging, and I've talked to quite a few people who've been able to type it up all the way to the big "O." Sure, most people end up having to provide a little self-stimulation at some point in their little chats, but I haven't heard any complaints about this little setback so far.

Cybersex can be a fulfilling experience for both you and your partner. It's a great way to maintain intimacy and sexual excitement where distance is a factor or, for those who wish to be sexual but aren't ready to make it physical yet. Best of all, it's about the safest sex you can have (heck, you aren't even in the same room!), so feel free to go nuts.

One last suggestion: Save to your hard drive those choice cyber conversations for the occasional reference. Ah, the birth of the literary quickie.


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