Whine Cellar: Dressing Down Sports World's Freaks, Geeks





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Welcome to the Halloween version of the Whine Cellar. I know baseball season ended Sunday, but one more thought. My two favorite teams are the Mets and A's.

All season I hoped that some idiotic team would want to take Art Howe so that maybe next year Zito will pitch twice in the LCS. We Mets fans can't wait to see three situational lefties pitch in the seventh inning every other day.

Off to the costume ball...

Dressed as Emmitt Smith, circa 1993: That must be Steven Jackson. I guess. Cal-Oregon State was not one of the 22 televised games I had in Florida (no joke), so I settled for the Yahoo! Sports version. Which sounded like this: S. Jackson runs to the left for 8 yards. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Still, 5-4 is a perfectly wonderful place for this team to be, with a legitimate shot at two more wins and a winning record.

On another note, congratulations to Emmitt Smith, a bona fide classy guy who Walter Payton would be proud of.

Dressed as the Invisible Man: Apparently, the NHL season started a month ago. Anyone seen a game yet?

Dressed as the Three (Five?) Stooges: The Oregon secondary, after USC phenom Mike Williams torched them for about 700 yards and 9 touchdowns.

Dressed as the girl you want to be standing next to at the party: I randomly saw a profile on Arizona pitcher Jennie Finch the other day. I know Cal beat her in the College World Series, but I still have three words for it. Next Big Thing.

Dressed as Steve Spurrier: It may be a little dated, but Jeff Tedford gets our innovative play-call of the last two weeks. I really enjoyed that method of running out the clock against UCLA, with the minus 38-yard lateral to my boy Makonnen.

Dressed as Bruce Arena, circa last June: One week after I lauded what Kevin Grimes has done to the Cal soccer program, they lose a close one to perennial power UCLA. The Bears then beat Stanford, who was only ranked, oh, NUMBER ONE for most of the season.

This is front-page Chronicle material, but it was relegated below the fine pitching performances of Felix Rodriguez and Livan Hernandez the last two days. Next time Mr. Whine gives you a bandwagon, jump on it!

Dressed as Patrick Ewing: Sadly, the Bears women's soccer team has started its perennial postseason collapse a bit early. While it's apparently road woes that are keeping the Bears down (they have won just two of eight contests away from Berkeley), it may just be that a No. 7 ranking is just way too high.

Dressed as Jerry Lee Lewis: It's our old friend the Fox Sports Net color guy! So I'm sitting in Fort Myers, Florida, and what should I be treated to on Channel 56?

My beloved Cal volleyball team in their loss to Washington. This I enjoyed, but I couldn't get over the announcer's amazing ability to talk about Mia Jerkov on every point, regardless of whether Jerkov, ya know, actually did anything. Which leaves me only one concern. I hope Mia didn't break his heart too badly when he asked for her number.

Dressed as Albert Einstein (as he does every year): Speaking of commentators, I know Tim McCarver is a lot smarter than me. He proved it yet again with incisive comments like this one: "You gotta get Reggie Sanders out above his hands...that's the only way."

Sanders flew out to left on the next pitch, which was of course in the dirt.

Dressed as the village idiot (as they do every year): Those fine framers of the BCS. If there are seven undefeated teams at year's end, I can guarantee you of just one thing. Despite playing powerhouses Rutgers and Navy, somehow, some way, Notre Dame will be in the Fiesta Bowl. It'll take a SEC team getting screwed (see Georgia) for folks like Roy Kramer to finally get us a damn playoff.

And finally, dressed as Phil Mickelson, winning everything but the majors: Guess who won the meaningless Skate America, despite falling once and botching another jump. Hint: Sarah Hughes dropped out of the competition.

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