Sex on Tuesday: Open, Catch and Swallow


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For as long as I can remember, there has always been a certain taboo surrounding the act of swallowing. Whether done on the back end of a blow job or as the final touch on intercourse, it holds a special place in sexual culture.

Personally speaking, it doesn't really do much in the way of adding to my experience and well, sometimes it just doesn't turn out right. I remember one time getting the clearance to land only for me to make it as far as her abs. To my credit, Jackson Pollock would have been proud of the work I did that night.

But in all seriousness, I fully understand the standard male perspective of how seeing one's bodily fluids vanish in front of one's eyes would add a little extra pizzazz to intercourse.

A pitcher would love to get a shutout, but something tells me he's not complaining if that shutout also turns out to be a no-hitter. Both count as wins; one is just a little more special.

This column, however, isn't about what testosterone-fueled individuals think. No sir. I've always been curious about what goes through the mind of a lady mid-swallow. Rather than idly sit around and jerk off, I finally decided to take the initiative to go out into the world and find out for myself. (I swear the past two sentences played out differently in my head.)

So for my own benefit, and hopefully yours, I sat down with a panel of lovely women to get the low-down on the ingestion of semen. You would think that they might have held back talking about the act so openly, but trust me, they wanted the world to finally hear their side of the story.

The general sentiment in the room was that there is very little opposition to swallowing after a blow job, but some hesitation following sex with a sheath on your sword. It might sound silly, but the main reason for this distinction is that swallowing reduces the inevitable mess created by fellatio; it would be inefficient not to swallow since cleanup would be required otherwise.

(I do distinctly recall a time I was denied passageway, which forced me to shoot off onto my couch. You would be surprised how fast semen dries up.)

When a condom is involved, it's right there to catch up all the ejaculate. Plus, it can be somewhat difficult timing whipping off a rubber and making it into the mouth. If you miss, but manage to hit the face, there is definitely going to be some ill-will-judging by the reaction I got when I brought up facials, they are generally a no-go.

As for the most surprising revelation of the afternoon: girls tied down with guys often would rather swallow because they hate post-sex drip.

Post-sex drip? We'll do this one together; it's also a new concept for me.

Girls with boyfriends are often on the pill so there isn't any need to use a condom-assuming both parties are clean-or even pull out. Turns out that semen deposited in a vagina doesn't simply sit there and collect interest. Instead, it slowly leaks out over the next few hours. (You would be surprised how many guys, including yours truly, have overlooked the aftermath of releasing inside a vagina.)

One specific story was related to me that afternoon, involving sex followed by soccer practice followed by a most unpleasant feeling between the legs. That's why for many girls, if a shower is not readily available, swallowing is much more preferable than post-sex drip.

I couldn't write this column without at least touching on taste. These ladies backed up every chick magazine's assertion that semen is received much better on the palate when the unloader's diet is filled with fresh fruit and veggies. It will never be a Mango-a-go-go but the experience will be better for both people.

As one woman put it, however, taste is a non-issue if you can get past your gag reflex: "You can't taste it if you deep throat."

Bottom line is that when it works, the ladies-across the board-agreed that swallowing helps with intimacy. Even though they personally would rather not swallow, if it turns their man on, they're down. It serves as another way for them to display their affection.

Just remember that when it's time to cuddle, you're not going to gain any brownie points by being a pansy and refraining from kissing your beloved gulper. Turns out that's one of the most disrespectful things you can do to a lady who just obliged you.

There isn't really much to worry about though. If you're a straight-shooter and consistently hit nothing but the back of the neck, you won't be tasting your own man juice.

In the event that you're about as accurate as Shaq at the free-throw line, I would make sure to hit up Berkeley Bowl and stock up on some berries.


Load up on fruits and veggies with Mustafa at [email protected]

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