Sex on Tuesday
On the Wish List
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Category: Opinion > Columns
Like most bodily fluids released during sex, goodbyes are somewhat bittersweet. Actually no, that's a lie, most sexual fluids are tangy or kind of salty, but it wouldn't make sense to say that goodbyes are tangy or salty, so for the sake of diction, just bear with me here.
With the semester coming to a close, I am happy to say that my time as your sex columnist is also at its end. Yes, I think it's about time that I move on from sex work and the criticisms that come with it, and while I may not have pleased all of you, at least I was able to please myself. (Yeah, that's right. All semester.)
So far I've written about playing with yourself, playing with your partner and with this last column, I'm going to write about playing with toys. Sex toys, that is. With the approaching holidays and the season of gift-giving, it seems only appropriate to address which sex toys should be boxed and wrapped and which ones you should probably keep on the shelves or to yourself. For example, just because you want a pair of nipple clamps and an anal dildo for Christmas doesn't mean your roommate does too. Let's stick to the basics for now.
Toys for girls. So you want to get your friend, girlfriend or regular hook-up a vibrator to take home and enjoy for the holidays. Well, if you've ever been to a sex shop or online sex store, you've probably noticed that vibrators come in hundreds of shapes and sizes. Before you can choose just one in this vast landscape of Rabbits and bullets (those are actual types of vibrators), you should narrow down your field a bit.
First, do you want something for purely clitoral stimulation or do you want something that's penetrative as well? If you chose "purely clitoral stimulation," then you can probably go with something small and discreet, like a bullet vibrator or a pocket rocket. Most sex shops, like Good Vibes or Babeland, also carry small vibrators that look like lipstick or lip gloss, so your girl can just toss it in her purse and not worry about getting any weird looks as she goes through airport security.
Now if you chose "something penetrative," then that broadens things up a bit. Penetrative vibrators that are oddly curved, particularly around the head, are normally used for constant G-spot stimulation. Then there are the Rabbit pearls, which feature tumbling plastic pearls in the middle of the shaft to stimulate the vaginal walls and a little rabbit head attachment to flutter against the clitoris. Other silicone vibrators have ridges and ripples along its shaft to add texture to the experience.
Or, if your girl is a music lover, you could also consider getting her the Naughtibod vibrator by Ohmibod (www.ohmibod.com). The Naughtibod connects to your iPod (or other MP3 player) and vibrates to the beat of your music-the more bass, the better (I've found that Justin Timberlake's songs work pretty well). Not to mention, it vibrates really quietly, so your girl can tune in and turn (herself) on during the drive home without anyone the wiser.
Toys for boys. Now, boys don't really need toys to get themselves off, so this holiday season, why not get your guy a gift that'll benefit both of you-a cock ring. Cock rings are designed to heighten sensitivity (plus for him) and keep him hard longer (plus for you). Some cock rings have mini vibrators attached to them so that they can vibrate against your clit as they vibrate against his shaft. This means fun for everyone!
You could also get your guy a Fleshlight, which I think is the most amazing, if not the most amusing sex toy I've ever come across. Fleshlights are named thus because of their outer case, which looks like a flashlight, and their flesh-like inner sleeves. It comes with four different imitation entry orifices: vagina, anus, mouth, and "stealth", as well as six different inner textures to choose from: wonder wave, super ribbed, original, super tight and ultra tight. If you're having a hard time imagining how a fleshlight works, imagine that instead of a hand jerking off your guy's rod, it's a flashlight case with a pink vagina-shaped, flesh-like opening.
Now to wrap this up, I want to thank you, my reader, for all of your comments, criticisms and sex offers-they were duly noted. And finally, I hope all of you celebrate this holiday season with friends, family, and lots of sex. I know I will.
Shop for your loved ones with Kristine at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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